I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
