In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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