I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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