OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
