hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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