He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
