I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
