At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
