Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
