Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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