its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
