I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
