She is in my trunk
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
