so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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