My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
