Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
