She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
True strength comes from lack of pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
