Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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