saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
