we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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