Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
