I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
