I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
