There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
