I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
