my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
