Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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