Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
