somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
