You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
