I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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