Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
