it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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