dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
