2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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