you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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