What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize