you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
