Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
