Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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