I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
