even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need a shit load of segways right now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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