Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
