Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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