At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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