He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
