I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
