Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
