And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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