A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
time to smoke my breakfast
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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