Screwed.edu
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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