No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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