whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
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I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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