Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sober January is a disaster.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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