I showed him my bush... on skype.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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