I'm gonna have a badass scar
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They took my balls.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
