When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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