Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
