Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
