I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
