No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
