Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
