So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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