I'm really into asian looking animals
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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