My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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